My grandma is dying.

carrie ggma-1I feel like if I say it, then it will somehow help me accept it. It being this new reality.

Where Hospice nurse offers Grandma pedicures and the right to eat cookies because it’s more about comfort than sustenance.

Where Grandma decides that she needs to wash the dishes because she’s so agitated and doesn’t know what else to do. This is a sign, my mother tells me, referencing the pamphlet the Hospice nurse brought with her. The pamphlet that tells you on how to recognize it’s the end for your loved one and offers tips on how to handle it.

Where the improv community suggests saying, “Yes, and …” when dealing with the confusion that comes with old age. The point is to enter her reality instead of trying to force her back into ours.

My reality is I am so sad.

I don’t know how to do this.

The waiting.

The going on with normal life while my grandma begging to go.

The waiting.

I am so sad.